I am sure you would announce the whole world that your parents are OK. Your childhood was normal and happy in your life. But this is something opposite. That is why you are here, and you are reading my point of view on this matter.
You still want to come back to your denial state that you have “normal, healthy family.” But there is a little red light in your mind whispers something else.
Domestic abuse means hopelessness.
While parents try to grow up their children, they cover up their fundamental issues. It prevents them from doing it or at least in a normal, healthy way without many problems.
In other words, their intentions are optimistic at the beginning. There is a problem when you hold your emotional trauma too long. Then you are full of limitations, powerlessness, hurt and anger.
So, this state of mind can not stay long without any explosion.Then life is problematic in many ways. One day those unhappy parents decide to have kids. What they do it to cover up their emptiness, it is a matter of time when real drama and problem start to happen.
Children are innocent and sensitive from the beginning. What bothers parents, children accept it as their problem. Parents can burden them by their beliefs and negativity from the early start.
The abuse starts when kids are the main trigger to parents’ unsolved problem. Children can remind their past family drama. What we do not like in others, it is a mirror to our features we do not like.
Let’s be honest: growing up kids is hard work. It requires patience, high level of empathy and respects to their lives. A parent can deal with anxiety, depression or substance overdose. It transforms them into abuser with a short matter of time.
There is screaming, controlling, punishing, harassing or even inappropriate behaviors such as molestation. These are one of a few problems children deal.
The ridiculous thing is that all happens on a deep unconscious level. It is a hypnotic trance like, without much understanding what it is going on. It is like possession by an entity and inability to control mind and behavior.
Those people do not want to improve their parental skills and personality so that they will fail. They did nothing than destroy their children lives.
When you become an adult, you may feel something was wrong in the past. You mislead to the idea that all was OK. When you finally realize the truth, the shock is overwhelming.
Did my parents abuse me? No! They are such good people. He is my father and mother, and I should love my family.
This shock is confusing what to believe. You still had good moments with your parents. There are happy memories and some bad ones.
When constant abuse happened, it was all mixed up with something positive. It is the cycle of violence. One week, the abuser is nasty and hurtful but the other week is lovely and tries to show you so-called “love.”
This cycle can happen over and over again. It confuses small kids. They do not see the difference between love and hurt at this point so they accept violence.
The first good step for getting over your past problems is to acknowledge that your parents are not OK. This shock is paralyzing, freezing and frightening. But it is crucial for understanding your abusive past.
Then you can be free, resilient and independent to create a life you always wanted to have.