I’ve seen it so many times with women. I’ve even done it myself in the past long ago. Women seem to push away their men to try to get what they want and it doesn’t work!
Classic examples:
“He didn’t call me when he said he would. That’s the third time he’s done this to me. So I called him and said I wanted to end the relationship. I’m so destroyed. I love him so much.”
“I am so upset because he didn’t want to come to my best friends birthday party. He did say he was recovering from the flu but that was days ago. How could he not see this was important to me? I never want to see him again. I told him tonight it’s over. I’m so sad.”
“We made love the other day and had the most beautiful time together. He hasn’t called me since. I sent him a text that I never want to see him again. I’m so hurt. If only he would love me as I love him.”
In these three examples, it is clear that a woman feels humiliated, disrespected and unloved. Yet these women who are hurting seem to react rather than to sink in to themselves and see what’s really going on.
The capability to be honest with ourselves is a liberating experience but in those times when you are reactive and hurting, stopping to check out what is going on is unfortunately usually secondary. But if women did stop and take a moment to see different perspectives before they push their men away, they would make far less mistakes and get closer to what they really want.. LOVE!
If they were honest with themselves, they might understand the feelings inside them that are hurting. Their reaction is anger but going deeper than this there is sadness.
They might understand that what they really wanted to do in all those situations is to bring their partners closer and not push them away.
With deeper enquiry they also might understand that the situation might be totally different to what they are assuming. Perhaps your lover didn’t call you because he was in a business meeting and couldn’t get to the phone. Maybe he didn’t want to go to the party as he was still feeling run down. Maybe he didn’t call you after spending a magical day together because he felt full of your love and was holding onto that feeling or he could have a different sense of timing and take things slower than you do.
So if we catch ourselves in those moments where we feel infuriated we could take time to question all the possibilities of his behavior, and most importantly how this triggers our own insecurity. How we need to feel love, acknowledged and supported. Yet is pushing our love away the way to get this? Usually after we push them away we feel more lost than ever.
Now if women were REALLY honest with themselves we would understand that pushing love away is a subtle form of manipulation. “If I push you away, then you would understand what I want/you might miss me/learn your lesson/come back to me changed.” But there you go, it’s had the opposite effect. You ended it, it’s over. (What did I do that? Tears)
Women need to learn to stop shooting themselves in the foot. We need to learn to become vulnerable and feminine rather than reactive and hard. We need to communicate to our beloved what is important to us, how our heart feels and realize too that he has his own path and that he has the perfect right to choose how he wants to live his life. It might not be all about you. It might be that sometimes you need to understand what he needs too and give him the space for this rather than seeing his behavior as an insult to your being. Reality might be very different to what you perceive.
Reactive behavior never gets us anywhere but if we learn to stop for a moment and check out what is really happening we might give ourselves the opportunity to open to love and compassion. Take a deep breath girls and slow down! Don’t push away that which you really want. Use these situations to understand yourself and gain compassion and wisdom. That’s the reason you attracted this man into your life in the first place!