In a crowded school or church, at a reunion with family or friends, or even sitting next to the person loved most in the world, why do people still feel lonely? Obviously, the issue is not simply the lack of love. Logically, the feeling of total sadness and separation does not make sense. Nevertheless, thousands of people in similar situations are asking the question: Why do I feel so alone?
Faced with a consuming loneliness, a well meaning person provides no help whatsoever by stating, “I know exactly how you feel”. Big mistake! Only the individual knows how he/she feels, and yet it is still difficult to understand why and how the feelings are so intense.
However, it does help to receive sage advice from people who have suffered extreme loneliness in the past and have still managed to come out the other side and find happiness again. In addition, coping with the emotions and the process of healing is aided when identifying the source of the problem is possible. A single event or a combination of issues can be the culprit. Some prominent life issues include:
- Unresolved feelings toward others
- Life secret
- Feeling unsuccessful
- Feeling Clueless
- Feeling Friendless
- Socially inept
In truth, the list is endless. A feeling experienced by an individual that causes a deep emptiness within is a valid emotion. The issue is personally important and needs to be addressed with respect and empathy, even if the problem may seem trivial to another. So, consider some of the common reasons for feeling lonely in a crowd:
Unresolved Feelings
Honestly, the people capable of hurting another person the most are probably friends and family. Sometimes, the source of the loneliness is not even aware he/she is responsible for these unresolved feelings. Even when the friend or family member is aware of the tense situation; a good heart-to-heart can generally resolve the bitter loneliness and clear the air.
However, sometimes it is incumbent upon the totally dejected person to understand he/she holds the key to being released from the prison of harbored bad feelings. For a true example, a man has had a mean spirited disagreement with a high school peer almost 20 years ago. Yet, to this day, he still holds extremely bitter feelings for the person. When asked why he hated the other guy so much, he could not even remember, but he despised him nonetheless.
Hatred and ill fillings can totally ruin life and cause a deep loneliness. However, the feelings serve no purpose, even if the issue can never be addressed with the other individual. Life is too short and potentially wonderful to waste on harboring bitterness.
A Secret
Sometimes, secrets are fun. Christmas, birthdays and special occasions are made all the more exciting with a few secrets. However, keeping a personal secret that separates people from friends and family is not healthy. A good example is work. People have been known to go through the same morning ritual of going to work, even after losing a job. Hopefully, a new position will be found before any loved one finds out.
How sad to not be able to share troubles as well as triumphs with the people most loved. In this case, the loneliness is self-made and probably unnecessary. Individuals who really care will be naturally empathetic and helpful in good times and bad.
Unsuccessful
Many people compare their lives to other relatives who seem to have made it big, professionally speaking. Thus, their jobs seem menial and unimportant. How wrong! Imagine what life would be like for the rest of the people in a community if someone was not willing to maintain a working sewer system or pick up neighborhood garbage. In truth, some people who seem to have it all are actually the loneliest and unhappiest individuals on the planet.
Clueless
Chances are most people can identify with the loneliness associated with feeling clueless in a crowd. For example, a single gal walks up to a group of friends who are married and discussing kids. Ouch! Maybe the guys are talking sports and have no clue what it is like to be more interested in science and nature. Instead of feeling uninformed, stay and listen a while. Show some interest. Ask questions. Chances are an opportunity to share a topic of personal interest will be invited.
Friendless
Truthfully, everyone on the planet has felt friendless at one time or another, unlike some people who seemingly have a knack for attracting acquaintances. However, to combat the loneliness, understand that real true friends in a lifetime can generally be counted on the fingers. Know making friends generally requires exiting the comfort zone and becoming a friend first. Learning to combat loneliness and win is doable.
Socially inept
Not everyone is blessed with the gift of gab. Thus, social situations are simply awkward and generally result in loneliness. However, learning social graces is possible. Discovering how to become part of a conversation, without being totally silent or dominating, is something that can be learned and practiced over time. Some of the most brilliant minds on the planet claim to be socially handicapped. So, it is not necessarily a put down. It can be overcome.
In short
Loneliness is definitely possible, even amidst family and friends. It can be a time to crawl in a shell and wait for an appropriate time to escape. Conversely, it is also an opportunity to practice new skills, exercise a different way of thinking, and overcoming one of the most common problems associated with true loneliness.