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Abortion access is being fought over from the United States to Australia. Here’s the perspective of the people closest to the story: women who have actually had an abortion.
Sara Wong for BuzzFeed News
BuzzFeed Health asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us about their abortions.
We received more than 2,000 submissions from all over the world — ranging from countries where abortion is illegal to those where it's fully covered by national health insurance. We heard from women who believe abortion was the right decision for them as well as those who regret it.
Here is a selection of stories that represent the broad range of experiences readers shared with us.
1. “I got misoprostol from a group of girls I met on Facebook and took it as instructed.”
Sara Wong for BuzzFeed News
Brazil bans abortion except for pregnancies resulting from rape and incest, to save a woman’s life, and in cases of fetal anencephaly.
I was 16 and had just lost my virginity. I was taking birth control pills and I trusted them 100%, so we didn’t use condoms. I didn’t tell anyone when I found out: My parents would be angry and my boyfriend would choose to continue with the pregnancy.
I got Cytotec from a group of girls I met on Facebook and took it as instructed. I didn’t feel any effect at first and I thought it had not worked. At night, I woke up feeling wet, ran to the bathroom, and there was a lot of blood. I took a shower, but the bleeding wouldn’t stop. I got a sanitary pad and called my mother, running to the hospital without notifying my father or boyfriend.
The gynecologist asked if I knew I was pregnant and I had to deny it, because nobody could know. I was mistreated by the nurses who treated my hemorrhage, and they kept talking indirectly about how more and more, the young women were becoming “whores.”
I still don’t feel clean, even now. It was an enormous trauma that stills haunts my nightmares. I don’t regret doing it. I couldn’t (and even today I can’t) take care of a child. After a few months, my boyfriend broke up with me. He never knew what happened — neither he nor anyone else.
—Victoria, 18, Brazil
2. “My fiancé and I both walked out from the clinic wanting to send all of them flowers for being such amazing human beings.”
My fiancé and I knew children were in our future, but at the time we were both in graduate school, in a small student housing apartment, living in a country far away from our families and stable social networks, with no savings and living on student loans. It became clear fairly quickly that having a child right now was not ideal.
I chose to have a medical abortion in the hospital rather that at home, as I was a little worried about being in pain. I'm not going to lie, it was quite painful and I got shivers and felt shitty in general. Luckily I had a supportive fiancé and an amazing midwife to help. She brought me heating pads whenever I needed and came by every half hour or hour to check up on me.
Words can't do justice to how amazing every single person who helped me during this procedure was to me and my fiancé. Zero judgment, zero blame, zero resentment — nothing of that sort. Only lots and lots of support, kindness, care, and human love. My fiancé and I both walked out from the clinic wanting to send all of them flowers for being such amazing human beings.
—Madelaine, 24, Sweden
3. “I read as many stories online as I could, from women who had kept their babies and those who had chosen abortions.”
I was 26 and in grad school doing my PhD. It was unplanned and the result of a two-week holiday fling where the one time we recklessly didn't use a condom, I fell pregnant.
I am not religious and am pro-choice, but the decision was far from easy. My holiday fling and I were “in love” and we spoke at length about keeping the baby even though we lived on opposite sides of the world and had only ever been in each other's physical presence for two weeks. He also said he would support my decision whatever I decided. I was extremely fortunate to be surrounded by such supportive friends and family. However, none of them had ever had to make the same decision, so I read as many stories online as I could, from women who had kept their babies and those who had chosen abortions.
In several states in Australia, it is only legal to have an abortion if a pregnancy would threaten the physical and/or mental health of the mother. Anecdotal evidence suggests that you can get through this loophole by going to a compassionate doctor and indicating that a pregnancy would impact on your mental health. As I have a long recorded history of major clinical depression, my doctor agreed that I met the mental health requirements for a legal abortion.
There is a never a day that goes by that I don't think about my decision. But I do not regret it. My long-distance love and I stayed together for nearly a year afterwards, crisscrossing the globe to visit each other. Sadly it couldn't last.
I often think, “What if I had the baby?” I am 35 and single. Perhaps that was my one chance to have a child. If that were the case, it is not what I had in mind for my life, but so be it. I make the most of my child-free existence. The time I would have spent raising a child I spend volunteering. Being better at my job. Seeing the world. Having furniture with sharp pointy edges.
My legacy in this world does not have to be biological.
—Rose, 35, Australia
4. “It's been about a week, and I'm doing horribly.”
I'm 17 and obviously not able to take care of a baby, nor do I ever want one, so I had an abortion at six and a half weeks. I was awake during the procedure but heavily drugged. It was still the most awful pain I have ever felt.
Other than the actual procedure, my experience at the clinic was quite lovely. The nurses were very caring and kind and the staff was overall very understanding. The clinic itself was well hidden, so there weren't any protesters to get through and I'm thankful for that.
It's been about a week since I had it done, and I'm doing horribly. My mood has crashed. I can't sleep, because when I sleep I have nightmares about it.
At least I'm no longer throwing up from morning sickness. Oh, and my boobs are going back to a normal size.
—Anonymous, 17, Canada
5. “Now I have a beautiful child with the same boyfriend, and this time we wanted him very much.”
@plannedparenthood / Via instagram.com
I experienced my first pregnancy when I was 23. I forgot two birth control pills in the same month. I’d only known my boyfriend a few months and I had just gotten a new job. I couldn’t have a kid at the time, and I didn’t want to.
Because I was afraid of surgical abortion, my doctor said I could do the medical one, at home. She was absolutely awesome — a great listener and she never judged me. I took the pills and went home. My boyfriend stayed with me the whole time (two days). I feel lucky because my doctor, my boyfriend, and my friends had my back. I didn't suffer that much, and I didn't bleed that much either.
I saw my doctor again 10 days after, and it was over. She told me I could come and talk to her anytime about that if I needed to, but I don't regret my decision and never feel bad or depressed about it. Now I have a beautiful child with the same boyfriend, and this time we wanted him very much.
—Myna, 30, France
6. “I was coerced into it by my partner and family.”
I had an abortion against my will. I was vulnerable and coerced into it by my partner and family. I wish I hadn't. I wish I had been stronger.
It was even more traumatic because it wasn't even successful. The tablets didn't work. I clotted and bled like I should, but tests showed I was still pregnant. After another scan it was determined I would now have to be put under general anesthetic to “finish the job.”
The emotional trauma for the entire experience has messed with my head. I'm not the same person I was.
—Becky, England
7. “It was safe and clean, and I'm lucky that in my country you don't get shamed in a big way.”
He was studying to be a doctor. I was still trying to figure out what to do in life. We both came from religious families, but he seemed sure of wanting an abortion, and I didn't feel ready, or feel the need to ruin his life. But we kept it a secret from our families because I didn't want to hurt them and I didn't want them to talk me out of it.
It was safe and clean, and I'm lucky that in my country you don't get shamed in a big way if you choose to not go ahead with the pregnancy. Later I found out that he already had a child. That was so hard to take in. That somebody else did get to have his child, that I took mine away for nothing. But the worst thing is that he didn't look after the child that was alive and his own flesh and blood. We still stayed together for a few years but it was more out of guilt toward the child I chose to not have. It took me a long time to heal emotionally and before I could open up about it to my family.
I think I made the right decision for me and the baby, but I lost a piece of me that day. The next time I'm pregnant, I want to celebrate and embrace it. But as awful as the experience felt emotionally, especially during and after, I am happy that I could go safely to a doctor, that I didn't had to worry about having enough money, and at that point my ex was there to hold my hand.
I'm happy I had a choice. I still had to live with my choice, but at least I had a choice.
—Anonymous, 28, Belgium
8. “I wondered for a while if I should feel bad that I didn't feel bad.”
I had a surgical abortion when I was 23 in New Zealand. My boyfriend and I had been together about a year and were living there for a year's working holiday. I was on the Pill when I fell pregnant. It was an easy decision. He said he'd support me if I wanted to keep it but that he really didn't want a baby and wasn't ready. I felt the same way.
As foreigners in New Zealand we had to pay $2,000 for the procedure, which we didn't have. I told my dad over Facebook Messenger. I was too embarrassed to tell him on the phone. My parents said that whatever I chose, they supported me and how could they help. My boyfriend never told his parents. They still have no idea.
NZ law meant that I had to go for two consultations, so that the medical practitioners could decide if I was “doing it for the right reasons.” As far as my nurse was concerned, absolutely not wanting a child was a good enough reason.
I was booked in for my abortion just before I was three months along. I think girls who were at a later stage got priority, which makes sense but also meant I had to tell my boss why I was being sick all the time and was super tired and forgetful. That was a fairly uncomfortable conversation.
My abortion was scheduled for January. We were having Christmas lunch with people we didn't know very well. The host announced that she was pregnant, and everyone was thrilled. She spoke about her morning sickness, her fatigue. My boyfriend and I made eye contact, and it was really weird because there she was, so excited, and I was having the same experience, feeling the same physical ailments, but then not the same experience at all. That was a crappy day.
The day of the abortion, we went to the clinic together. I wasn't sure how I'd feel when I woke up. I expected a sense of loss, or sadness, or guilt. I expected to feel ashamed, or damaged. Or that I'd feel, at the very least, like I was carrying a dark secret around with me for the rest of my life. I felt none of these things. The number one, most overwhelming feeling that I felt was relief. A massive weight was lifted off my shoulders. I wondered for a while if I should feel bad that I didn't feel bad. If what I was feeling was “right.”
We've been together for seven years, and we own our own businesses and recently bought a house together. Truthfully, we don't discuss it often, because it wasn't a big deal to us. The hardest part was waiting for it to be over. We both want kids one day.
Neither of us has regretted our decision for a second — it was 100% the right one. I don't remember the date it happened, and I don't have one sad day a year where I yearn for what could have been. I'm also extremely grateful that I had my parents' support and a loving partner to help me through it, and am aware of how incredibly lucky I am.
I don't see it as something that I went through, I see at as something we both experienced together. Before I talk to someone about it, I make sure he's okay with it, and he does the same for me. It was our decision, and I respect his experience as he does mine.
—Anonymous, from Australia, had an abortion in New Zealand
9. “We stole a prescription from a private doctor and that’s how we bought misoprostol.”
Sara Wong for BuzzFeed New
Mexico's laws on abortion vary by state, but it is only legal on request in Mexico City.
When my baby was a year old, I got pregnant again. I was about to enter college and I knew it was going to be an impediment to my dreams. My husband and I researched online and found information about misoprostol abortion. I was already eight weeks pregnant, so we had to act fast. We stole a prescription from a private doctor and that's how we bought it.
We were pretty nervous, so I decided to take a few shots of tequila and before going to bed I inserted four pills. I fell asleep thinking that it was not going to work, but around 4 a.m. I began to feel horrible pains, like cramps. I went to the bathroom and expelled several blood clots, my whole body was shaking and I felt chills. After 5 a.m. I finally expelled the fetus. Really seeing it gave me a terrible sadness.
I continued bleeding for almost 50 days and did not seek a medical appointment, for fear they knew I had committed a crime. Now, two years later, it is something I have overcome; I really began to be responsible in my sexuality and my reproductive health. I'm still with my husband and my son, and I'm in the middle of my career. It was not an easy decision but the most convenient one.
—Anonymous, 20, Mexico
10. “I lay there, bleeding in my friend's spare room, praying that I didn't die. I will never forgive my country for that.”
Ireland bans abortion except to save a pregnant woman's life. Thousands of women travel to the UK each year to have the procedure. Others use pills procured online.
I was working as a waitress, and my partner was in a job that meant he was gone five days out of the week. I didn't have my own house. There was no way I could have supported a baby, nor did I want one.
When I told my family I couldn't go through with it they turned their back on me, so I ended up having to move into a friend’s spare room. Abortion is illegal in Ireland and I couldn't afford to travel to England, so I got pills from Womenhelp.org. It was such a horrible wait wondering whether they would get sent to my friend’s address or to an address I had to give in Northern Ireland.
When I took the pills I bled so heavily the second day that I thought I was dying. I couldn't go to the hospital because they could arrest me if I told them what I had done. So I lay there, bleeding in my friend’s spare room, praying that I didn't die. I will never forgive my country for that.
—Hana, Ireland
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