Do you have children who left, or will soon leave home to venture out into the world on their own? Congratulations! You have done your job well of preparing them for life as independent adults. However, if you feel lonely, and/or suffering from illness, or pain that won’t go away no matter what you do, you may need help dealing with the Empty Nest Syndrome.
For example, Paul and his only child, Gary, were very close. They both loved to construct things, fix cars, and read mechanical magazines. His wife was an artist and was not really interested in technical things. Paul had previously been laid off at his technical job and missed connecting with his co-workers. His dear friends had moved to other states, and he was not actively seeking new ones. This behavior is typical of introverts.
Paul’s wife finally convinced him to have a session with me, after suffering with fever, low energy, and unexplained pain for eight months. He had gone to many doctors and no matter what treatment they recommended, he still felt miserable.
I used my intuition to quickly uncover the cause of his physical problems. I told Paul that I felt he was terrified that his son was going off to college and he would be very lonely. Paul immediately responded by saying, “That’s it! That is exactly how I am feeling!” The 55-year-old man could not hold back the many tears of sadness for the loss he felt in his heart.
By the end of the hour, Paul felt much better. Through the HART processes I developed, he was able to heal his loneliness issues from his childhood that were being triggered by his son leaving the nest. He also had a plan about how he could become more sociable with others and enjoy a fulfilling life. Paul was very grateful to feel good again. A week later he called me to thank me again, and to tell me that his fever stopped immediately after the session. He felt great! In fact, he was enjoying helping his son prepare for his departure.
Another client who suffered from the empty nest syndrome is Paula. This 58-year-old mother of six children was struggling with her health. She was being treated for chronic dizziness and depression. During our session, I discovered that her husband was a good provider but emotionally unavailable.
Unfortunately, I hear this complaint very often. How sad it is that men were taught not to feel or express their emotions. As in many cases, her husband wanted to be physically intimate more often, but she pushed him away because of his unkind comments and lack of loving, emotional intimacy.
Paula’s 6th child was going to move into his own apartment in a few months. She felt very sad and extremely depressed. “I have always taken care of others. I do not know who I am,” Paula blurted out in despair. She only knew herself as a daughter, wife, and mother.
Using the HART processes, I helped her release her negative beliefs about others and herself, and she felt much better. I also encouraged her to do the things she loved and focus on taking care of her needs and wants. Once she cut the fear-based “cords” connecting her to her son, she felt instant relief. I told her that she was responsible for her happiness and the more she loved herself and felt fulfilled, the faster her body would be able to heal. I also encouraged her to tell her husband, “It is not you I am rejecting, it is our disharmony.” When couples enjoy their loving relationship, they do not need the children around to fulfill them.
At the end of the session, Paula’s feelings of hopelessness and depression were replaced with optimism and a clear action plan to help herself feel good. She was ready to be her own person and do what felt fun and fulfilling.
In summary, both parents’ physical conditions were likely caused by their deep emotional pain that was triggered by their children leaving their home. I have been working with the mind-body connection for 28 years with great success. For example, I found dizziness to often be signs of fear. Also, in Paula’s case, she was out of balance. She was always focusing on taking care of others and neglecting herself.
The body is giving you messages when you feel pain or have a disease. It is important to treat the emotional causes and the physical symptoms to get well and prevent physical problems. To experience good health, do what you can to live a balanced, happy and fulfilled life. Then your children will have great modeling of how to also be healthy and independent. You can then feel great joy and pleasure when your children fly away from the nest.