So your ex boyfriend contacted you… now what? Is he trying to rekindle your romance or is he just keeping up the lines of communication? Does he have ulterior motives, or is he just genuinely being friendly?
Knowing what your exboyfriend is thinking isn’t always easy. To understand just how much he’s missing you, or whether or not your ex wants you back, you’ll need to first answer some questions:
What kind of questions did your boyfriend ask you after the break up?
In a true break up, your ex would move on. But when he’s asking questions and keeping track of you after the end of your relationship? Something else is up. One of the first things you should check for are the signs that your ex still loves you.
An ex that’s just looking to get his stuff back may be trying to quickly get past the break up, or there may be residual anger over how things ended. It’s always best to give your ex boyfriend his things and begin a period of no-contact for the next few weeks.
If your ex has fed you the “I just wanted to make sure you’re alright” line, what he’s really doing is trying to feel you out. He wants to know what your plans are, and whether or not you’re upset about the break up. The more indifference you can show him here, the more you’ll shake his confidence.
In some cases your ex will be so unsure of the break up that he’ll even ask your opinion on whether or not you should break up. This is the golden opportunity to shrug your shoulders and say “Yeah, I think taking some time apart is probably best”. This is the opposite of what your ex wants to hear right now, because your boyfriend expects you to fight to keep the relationship going.
But perhaps the most telling of all responses to breaking up is when your ex asks whether or not you plan on dating someone else. He’s tipped his whole hand here, because it’s obvious he doesn’t want you to go anywhere. This is the equivalent of him saying “Don’t get a new boyfriend, because I’m still not sure about this yet.” It’s a definite sign that your ex still loves you, and may soon want you back.
Post-breakup, what kind of contact have you had with your ex’s friends?
When your ex still loves you and finally wants you back, he may talk to friends first. He does this to learn your status, and to gauge how receptive you’d be to going back out with him.
Depending upon your relationship with your ex’s friends, you can probably learn a lot about how he’s doing. If he broke up with you cleanly and is getting on with his life, your ex boyfriend’s friends will most likely avoid you. Even if you got along really well with them, they don’t want to hurt you feelings by reaffirming that your ex is okay without you.
However, sometimes your ex’s friends will go out of their way to be nice to you. They could be doing this just to be friendly, or they could see something you don’t: that your ex is still in love with you. If your ex’s friends have the idea that you may one day get back together, they’re going to be supportive and cool.
By the time your ex is ready to date you again, your friends will hear about it. Your own friends will be the final frontier before your ex makes his first move in your direction, and he may have intentionally tipped them off to get you ready for reconciliation.
Don’t worry if you’re not in touch or contact with your ex boyfriend’s buddies – it’s not uncommon to only have contact with them while you’re dating. Look at other areas to find out your ex’s true feelings for you.
How would you describe changes in your ex boyfriend’s attitude toward you after breaking up?
One of the things that you may notice when your ex is getting ready to take you back? Big changes in the way he treats you. Examining how your ex relates to you can tell exactly where his mind and heart currently are. An abrupt increase in ex boyfriend contact can also be very telling.
An ex who is suddenly affectionate or overly friendly with you means that something may have changed in his life. He’s seen the light, so to speak, and is thinking of giving things another try. Radical changes in your ex’s behavior mark parallel changes in the way he views you.
Flirtatiousness is another big sign your ex still loves you. An ex who flirts with you after breaking up knows full well that he may be re-opening the door to the relationship, so if he keeps it up it generally means you’re making progress with him. The possibility also exists that your ex is making these advances only to sleep with or have sex with you again, so be wary of those motives as well.
When your ex boyfriend’s attitude toward you remains virtually unchanged, or even disappates over time? Eventually it becomes time for action. Learn the right and wrong moves to make in such a situation, as well as these reversal techniques that will help crack his code when your ex simply isn’t responding to you.