Valentines Day is typically considered to be a day of red hearts, champagne and roses. But like a lot of special days, like Mothers Day, Fathers Day, there is an important underlying message and an opportunity to take time to appreciate what these days mean to us. Let us take some time to consider Valentines Day.

What We Have Learned

Most of us will have had previous relationships that have taught us many things. Some of those relationships will no doubt have been upsetting. We may have been treated badly, or not dealt with our issues very well, perhaps had problems communicating our feelings. Difficult relationships teach us about what we do not want in our lives. We may have been the one who behaved badly and as a result, disappointed ourselves. But the important thing about any negative experience is to learn from it and determine not to make the same mistakes again.

What We Have Accomplished

We become more experienced as we have different relationships in our lives. We learn about friendship, passion, coping with another person’s traits and personality. We learn about compromise and negotiation. We learn about not wasting our time or our lives on things that are not working out, but we also learn that at times it is important to compromise and be respectful of others. In many ways early relationships can be regarded as a practice runs for the next one.

Appreciating What We Have

Some people insist that they hate Valentines Day. They say that it is a commercial event and they do not want anything to do with it. Often though those very same people are disappointed if their partner takes them at their word. Most of us like to be made a fuss of, to have someone treat us as a special person. Sometimes though it can be more appreciative to do things that require some thought and effort, rather than buy things if we want to demonstrate love and affection.

Many people value the small, thoughtful gifts, rather than the big, lavish gifts chosen be a secretary or quickly shopped for on the last-minute. Here are a few ideas for thoughtful touches.

– Make a disc of special songs that have relevance and meaning to you both. A track that was playing when you met, a song that you both like, something that has become ‘our song’.

– Cook a favourite meal and provide all the touches, including washing up and leaving the place clean and tidy.

– A massage is often appreciated. Run a lovely perfumed bath first, with candles and warmed towels. Giving a slow, sensuous massage is a very loving gesture.

– Make a photograph album of your time together and the things you have shared. Include ticket stubs, theatre programmes, a leaf from a tree or pressed flower. It shows that the time together has been very special and has provided lovely memories.

– Compile a scrapbook of the reasons why you love your partner, why your partner is so important, things that you love about them and find so endearing. That will make them feel truly special and loved.

– Take the time to plan a day together. Go for a walk, stop and have lunch in a little country inn, feed the ducks in the park, come home to hot chocolate and a cosy evening together.

Many of the things I have suggested are free or relatively inexpensive to provide. But it is often the little touches that matter the most. Taking to time to make these things happen demonstrates that the relationship is important and that you appreciate having it in your life.