For so many couples who break up, that is it… final… it’s all over! This is usually due to just a couple of reasons.

The relationship breakup was very traumatic for one or both partners. The one who was ‘left’ had no idea what to do about it and probably did some very inadvisable things such as pleading, verbal abuse, threatening to do something bad, following their ex around etc.

The reason for the breakup seemed to be insurmountable. There seemed to be no way to start undoing what had been done or to go about changing the way the relationship was in the end.

There are lots of other reasons, but these two are the most common reasons for doing nothing. You should now concentrate, no on the past, but on the future. Forget about the breakup, the reasons why it happened and who is to blame and take a new proactive approach to this situation today.

You must begin to rebuild your self esteem and project a more desirable persona that your ex will want to actively pursue. Do you think that by wallowing around in self pity and looking like you have not slept for days will make them feel this way? Obviously the answer is no. He or she will feel they were right to finish with you for sure. You must love yourself and be confident and happy to project your desirability again.

This is your starting point and it will take a little time to accomplish. To turn your life around and get back with your ex after a breakup, make a real effort to get smartened up and go out. Do not go out where your ex is likely to be to start with. Mix with men and women and become comfortable in social situations again.

Of course going out is the last thing you want to do, you feel so bad, heartbroken even and want to cry, sleep and lock yourself away. It will be hard but get out there and do it. It is surprisingly easy once you start. A simple way to do this is to go get a haircut and go shopping for something nice to wear. Then call a good friend and go out to dinner, without overwhelming them with your relationship breakup problems too much. So, first outing accomplished.

After this you can think of some more things to do. A visit to a new gym to check it out. A trip to the zoo, a quick swim and a relaxing hot tub session. These are all non threatening and easy situations and you will start to look forward to doing these things.

If you do see your ex whilst you are out, wave, smile and pass by keeping your cool. If they speak to you be vague and friendly and move off and make no suggestion to meet – if they suggest this say you are too busy and perhaps they could call you in a few weeks.

Another thing you must do, is to adopt the no contact rule.

Do not be tempted to contact your ex at all. No calling, texting, emailing… no contact. This also applies to your friends doing this on your behalf. This is designed to arouse the interest of your ex. They cannot help but wonder where you are and why they have not heard from you – even though they broke up with you!.