You’re itching to pick up your phone and dial her number, aren’t you? Or maybe you’re more tempted to just tap out a simple, “hi, how are you” in the form of a text message. Regardless of the method of contact, your intent is clear. You miss your ex girlfriend and you want to talk to her. You know that giving her time is the smart and respectful thing to do but it’s hard, isn’t it? How are you supposed to continue not talking to a woman you love? You have to be worried that she’ll meet someone else and there’s the concern that she’ll sooner or later just realize she doesn’t need you and forget about you. If this sounds like your life in a nutshell, at the moment, take a deep breath, step away from your cell phone and consider the consequences if you do try and talk to her.

No Contact is Meant to Help You Not Hurt You

There’s a reason why so many people suggest you take a breather after a break up and enforce the “no contact” rule. Yes, part of the logic behind this advice is that your ex girlfriend will come to the realization that life without you just isn’t as fulfilling as it could be. That revelation will cause her to come running back to you, where she’ll melt into your arms proclaiming her undying love. That’s the stuff that fairytales are made of. What you should really be expecting is that some time apart will give you both the chance to sort through all of the conflicting emotions that come with the end of a relationship.

It’s also a time for you to calm down, come to terms with what wasn’t working in the relationship and mull over whether or not it’s even wise to try again. What you felt the day after the break up is going to be remarkably different than what you’ll feel three weeks after. By giving yourself time to feel and time to grieve, you’ll be doing yourself an immense favor. That’s one of the reasons why it’s essential that you don’t contact her quite yet.

Use the Time Apart to Your Advantage

You’re probably looking at this period of not talking with your girlfriend as a form of emotional torture. It’s understandable why you’d see it that way given the fact that you just wish the break up was a thing of the past and you two were back together. You need to try and step away from those emotions and see how this time to yourself can be beneficial.

There are many things you can accomplish during this time that will enrich you as a person and also as a potential partner for your ex girlfriend again. Consider what you can do, over the course of the next few weeks, to become a better and more compassionate person.

It may involve volunteering or perhaps there is one person in particular that you’ve wanted to help, but haven’t made the time for. It could be something as simple as painting someone’s apartment who isn’t physically able or maybe you’d like to pitch in with cleaning up the garden of a neighbor. Whatever it is, it should be something that benefits another person’s life in a very unselfish way.

Doing something like this can truly change how you view the world and can put you more in touch with your own emotions. That will benefit you tremendously when you and your girlfriend eventually reconnect.

Approach Your Ex Girlfriend Again When You Feel Emotionally Balanced

Even though you may feel an urgency to reconnect with your ex girlfriend now it’s vitally important that you do wait until you feel emotionally balanced. That means you shouldn’t be calling, texting or emailing her until you feel you can do so without being overly emotional or dramatic.

It’s wise to wait several weeks, but in some cases, it’s prudent to wait even longer. You may worry that your girlfriend will have the opportunity to meet, fall in love with and commit to another man. Granted, that’s a slim possibility but you have to consider the fact that she’s also trying to balance difficult and conflicting emotions, even if she was the one who initially suggested the break up.

When you can think about her without feeling weepy or angry, it’s time to call her to see how she is. Keep the first few interactions very friendly and not heavy at all. Make small talk. Ask about her work, about her life and about things that you know are important to her. Don’t pry into her dating life at all. In fact, don’t ask any questions about that at this point.

If you can approach her from a place of balance, reason and friendship, you’ll be setting a great foundation for you two to build a friendship or more on.