Many women tell me that the day they become a mother, the day their baby is born, others suddenly see them differently. In that instant they are not someone’s best friend, sister or colleague; instead, they are “a mother” as if their life before giving birth has become irrelevant.

This can come as a shock to new parents. Of course becoming a mother is a major event, possibly the most wonderful experience of your life. But you’re still the same person, with the same interests and with the same history as before.

In addition, the people who have this change of perception are often ready to give all sorts of advice. This advice can include tips on how to clean your house, how to dress, how to handle your baby, how to feed your baby and what to do now that you are a mother. Advice can be helpful, but each person has different views and different ways of doing things, which can be rather confusing and perhaps even irritating in the long run.

One point of view often expressed is that now you have a baby, surely you will not go back to work until your child is ready to go to school. For some new parents, this is indeed what they want. Others, however, would not be happy to stay at home. They need the activity and interaction a workplace offers. It’s up to your family to find a balance that will work for you, your partner and your baby.

Another point of view is that now that you are a mother, you should not go out and have fun. You should stay with your baby. And, of course, for the first while your baby and you will probably be inseparable. This is natural and it is good for both. Still, it is healthy to get out and about, be it for walks or visiting friends and family. And there is no harm in enjoying the activities you used to enjoy before your baby was born. Your partner could stay at home and watch the baby for a few hours, or he could come along. Grandparents and other family members are usually quite willing to baby-sit for a bit.

It is important to remember that you are you. If you would have to change too much, you probably wouldn’t be happy in the long run. Other people’s advice may be helpful but just because others do things differently than you, that does not mean they are always in the right and that you are always in the wrong.

Only you know what is best for you and your family. You and your partner are perfectly capable of making the right decisions, and of adapting your lives in the best possible ways to fit in your newborn.

Don’t be afraid to remind people that you are still the same woman you were before you delivered your child. Don’t be afraid to stand up for what you know is right for you, your partner and your child. People will soon see that you are managing quite well.

And remember… happy parents mean a happy baby, and a happy baby means a happy family.