Valentine’s Day is coming around again, and there’s no escaping it. Everywhere you look, there are hearts, roses, and candy wrapped in pink. With everyone’s thoughts on love and whether or not you have a Valentine of the traditional kind, here is one Valentine you should have: YOU.

Yes, that’s right. You should be your own Valentine. Even if, and especially if you have another Valentine. That’s because in order to truly love someone else, you have to love yourself first. And that can be a challenge, especially if you’re carrying around unwanted pounds.

Read on to discover how you can improve your mindset, your attitude towards yourself, and your self-image. Find out how a more positive view of yourself will help you lose weight and improve your love life and your relationship.

The number on your scale

Do you measure your happiness by the number on your scale? Do you feel that until that number comes down, you have to punish yourself by not eating, restricting what you eat, or exercising like crazy?

Do you feel you don’t deserve to be happy until the right number appears on your scale?

Here’s why this is a problem…

When you focus on surface results, you’re using food to escape your emotions and the underlying root issues that are causing you to use food as a distraction from what is truly driving you to eat. What’s worse, your inner battles with food really cause you to think about food more.

And what about those rules and restrictions you’ve developed to hold yourself in check? They are only temporary solutions because… what you resist, persists.

So stop trying to wrestle your body into losing weight by deprivation and by restrictive eating and exercise patterns. It won’t work. It will just keep you stuck in that endless cycle of thinking you’d nurture yourself by eating yummy foods (or Valentine’s candy), only to move to feelings of remorse and self-hatred because you’re ashamed of your lack of self-control.

Be Kind to Yourself

Instead of beating yourself up over and over because of your eating-related “failures,” why not try something different. Be kind to yourself. You’re here on this planet for something much more meaningful than endless attempts at losing weight. No matter how hard you try, you’re not going to succeed until you learn to love yourself first, extra pounds and all. But how do you do that?

Realize that you’re a unique individual and that there isn’t anyone else quite like you. Take the time to be alone with yourself in meditation, looking deeply into your beliefs about your relationship with yourself — and with food. You’ll find that it will help your body, mind, and spirit to recharge and rejuvenate, which is a phenomenal self-love process.

Be open to getting support

Then again, you may be so used to loathing yourself that you need some support as you explore what’s really inside of you. If so, you might want to consider going to someone who can coach you through some of your deeper issues around why and when you eat.

As you learn being truly present in your life and mindful of what you’re doing, you’ll find that you’re finally moving towards reclaiming self-love.

Be your own Valentine

Yes, be your own Valentine. Treat yourself with the kindness you deserve. In fact, treat yourself with the kindness you would show to a dear friend or loved one.

But wouldn’t that be selfish? Not at all! Only when you love and respect yourself will you be truly ready to love and respect another.

If your relationships haven’t worked as well as you would have liked, get ready for changes. You’ll find that once you love yourself, your ability to attract and co-create a loving relationship with a partner will improve dramatically.

And what about your weight?

So what does all of this have to do with the number of your scale? Only when you truly love and appreciate yourself will you be able to make the lasting changes that will help you let go of those extra pounds — and keep them gone. So self-love really is the key all around.

So if you want a Valentine, i.e., a relationship that works, with someone who truly loves and appreciates you, start with being your own Valentine. Once you can do that, and enjoy your own company, you’re also reclaiming your capacity to love and appreciate the “other” Valentine.