I often get emails from women who have tried to approach their husband or boyfriend about their suspicions that cheating is taking place which recount an encounter that went terribly wrong.  We often hope that we will confront him with our suspicions, that he will admit to cheating and be remorseful, and then swear that he’s going to immediately break it off and make this up to us.  But, this is rarely what happens. Often, he’ll deny everything, tell you that you are paranoid, clingy or crazy, and then become angry, defensive, and distant.  So now you are left in an undesirable scenario.  You now have to drop it or come at him fully loaded, knowing that this may well end the relationship.  I’ll tell you what I believe is the best way to approach a man if you think he’s cheating in the following article.

First, Make Sure That You Are Right: Suspicions or a gut feeling just aren’t enough here.  If you’re wrong, this can have a very negative effect on your relationship.  If he’s innocent, your boyfriend or husband is going to be very angry about being wrongly accused, and rightly so.

Therefore, before you approach him, make sure that you no longer have any doubt.  Begin looking for clues (using approaches that won’t get you caught.)  Follow him or have a friend follow him, (but make sure you have an excuse or prop if he sees you.)  Check his phone log for suspicious numbers and then find out who they belong to.  Once you have the name, you can then get the address and go from there.  Again, you don’t want to be caught here so be careful. It’s actually better to have a trusted friend do this so it’s not as incriminating if they are caught.

You should also check for texts, IMs, and pictures in his phone as well.  Take a photo of the text so that you will have concrete proof of their existence.  If he’s deleted all texts, this should be a tip off that you need to dig deeper (you can often retrieve these.)

You can also check out his computer for emails, sites he’s visited, face book interactions, etc. Often people will try to delete proof of this, but you can often go to the cache, recycling bin, or temporary files to get these.  You can also get software that will track every place they visit and make a record of their activity and typing.  This too leaves no doubt as to what they are doing and gives you the proof that you need.

Telling Them What You Know. Confronting Him About The Cheating: Many women who are sure that they are being cheated on want to have a big confrontation.  They will go to the other person’s house or work in the hopes of confronting both of them.  Many feel that looking them both in the eye will be very satisfying.  But, very few people actually find this to work out the way that they hoped.  Often, they will see their boyfriend or husband laughing and interacting with the other woman and they will be frozen and so upset that every word they rehearsed won’t leave their mouth.

I personally feel it’s better to approach your man one on one so that he can give YOU his attention, not her.  At a time when you’re not rushed, calmly ask if you can show him something that hurts you.  Now is the time when you take out the photos, the texts, the emails, and everything else that you have accumulated.  Explain what you know to be true and tell him that there’s no point in his denying it.  You have all the proof you need and you just wanted him to know that you know what’s been going on.

How he responds will have a huge effect on what happens from here.  And, whether or not you work things out with him is ultimately up to you.  But, there’s a right and wrong way to confront him.  Giving him room to deny what’s happening or to turn everything around to place the blame with you is definitely not the best way.