Since the break up you’ve been wishing and hoping that you’d get a sign from the universe suggesting that your ex boyfriend wants you back, right? It’s understandable. You still love him and you feel that the break up was a mistake. Unfortunately, your ex seems to have moved on without much thought about what you’d like. But now you’ve heard from his friend. It can’t just be an innocent gesture, could it? The friend must have been sent to check on you by your ex. At least that’s what your broken heart is trying to tell you. Sadly, I’m here to tell you something very different. The fact that a friend of your ex has made contact means very little in the big picture. In fact, don’t be surprised to learn that your ex had absolutely nothing to do with it.

When a break up occurs it affects everyone in the emotional vicinity. Not only are you and your boyfriend both forced to deal with the emotions that accompany the end of a relationship but your friends and family members have to learn how to handle it as well. When someone we care for goes through a break up we not only have to watch them in pain but we have to face the reality that their partner will no longer be a regular part of our lives. That may be what is happening with your ex boyfriend’s friend. He or she has finally come to the realization that you’re no longer part of the inner circle and they miss you. The fact that they are reaching out to you may very well be their way of forging a new friendship that doesn’t include your ex.

Another reason a friend of an ex often pops up unexpectedly is they’re looking to recoup something that belonged to the ex. In other words, your ex boyfriend may have sent his friend on a mission to recover something of his that you have possession of. You can typically weed out this motivation pretty quickly if the friend jumps from asking how you are to inquiring about how they can get back the item in question for your ex. Be mindful not to be offended by this. If the roles were reversed and your ex had something meaningful that belonged to you, you may ask someone to seek that out as well. It’s important not to take any of your frustrations over the break up out on the friend who may be nothing more than an innocent bystander who is trying to help someone they care for.

Obviously, if you’re counting on a renewed relationship with your ex at some point, you’re hoping that the reason their friend contacted you was to do some covert, undercover work to see where you’re at emotionally and whether you’ve started dating again. Don’t make the mistake of jumping to the conclusion that this is what they’re doing if they ask if you have a new guy in your life. Again, this can be normal human curiosity. You’re much better off tempering what you share with the friend for now until you have a clearer sense of what they truly want from you.

If you do determine that they’re fishing for information on behalf of your ex boyfriend, be careful with how much you share. If your ex went to the trouble of sending someone to gather information for him, he’s very interested in getting back together with you. Make him squirm a bit by keeping your emotions close and sharing only small parts of what’s going on. That way the friend will report back to your ex that he or she isn’t really sure what you’re up to and that curiosity will definitely spur on your boyfriend’s interest.

I want to stress how important it is to take a step back emotionally from all of this before you put too much emotional energy into the idea of getting back with your ex. When we want something we sometimes see things that aren’t really there. Be honest with yourself about why your ex boyfriend’s friend has come into your life. Take some time to discover their motivations and if they truly just want to be your friend, with no hidden agenda, consider embracing that. We can never have too many friends and you never know if this new friendship may help ease the pain of the break up so you can finally move forward with your life a happier, more emotionally balanced woman.