It happens: your girlfriend dumps you, and you try to win her back. But instead of talking to you she pulls away, intentionally avoids you, and displays nothing but resentment toward your attempts to make her feel better. So what should you do? How do you get your ex girlfriend back when she’s angry?

Well, first you need to identify why she’s so mad in the first place. Did you do something bad that caused the break up? Even something as terrible as cheating can still be overcome, given the right moves and some time apart. Whatever you may have done to make her feel this angry, you need to identify it in your own mind and come up with ways to fix it. But don’t run off to meet up with her just yet, because you need to give her a little bit of space right now.

Nothing you can say to an ex girlfriend will matter if she’s currently enraged. Your ex will shut you out while she’s trying to reconcile what you did (or didn’t do). But there’s good news: Having your ex angry at you is ten times better than if she was showing indifference. Anger is a display of feelings – passionate feelings – and the fact that she’s still mad at you shows that she cares. Anger will drain… indifference will not. So when your ex completely disregards you and doesn’t seem to care either way? That’s when you should start to worry.

If your girlfriend broke up with you in an angry way, you need to let her anger drain first before trying to get back together again. Most guys make the mistake of pressuring or pushing their ex to reverse the break up too soon, and this can send her running in the opposite direction. Given a little time and a little space, your ex will realize that she loves you (there are even some really cool techniques you can use to hasten this process along). She’ll miss you after just a few days of being alone, and her resentment will be replaced by longing. Will she still be angry? Sure. And you’ll still need to apologize, if you truly were wrong. But if you left her alone for a while she’ll now be more receptive to what you have to say, instead of just pushing you away angrily and shutting you out.

When you do apologize, do it honestly and completely. Don’t defer blame that you should be taking upon yourself. And if you cheated or did something equally bad that caused this rift in your relationship? You’ll need to know the step-by-step process for getting her to trust you again. Infidelity is a special case where you not only need to get your ex to want you back, but also get her to stay with you. If you don’t approach things correctly she could take you back only to find out she still resents being with you. Another break up is inevitable at that point.

Getting your ex girlfriend back when she’s angry is actually easier to resolve than most break ups, because her feelings for you should still be there. Keep that in mind when approaching her, and do it gingerly. Yet if your ex still pulls away, avoids your phone calls, doesn’t return your messages, or generally wants nothing to do with you? You’ll need to take immediate action to avoid losing her. Resolving a situation like this requires you to be proactive, and work toward winning your girlfriend back.